One thing I ask of all my technologies is that if they can’t give me a long lifespan, then to at least offer up an entertaining end. This week my six year-old computer monitor did just that. I stepped out of the office to take a walk in the sun and when I came back and “woke” my computer up, it displayed everything in a vibrant pinkish-hue. The change was sudden and dramatic, like a “pink eye” infection. I only wish I could give my computer prescription eye drops to clear it up.

“Pink Monitor” is a rare, but not unheard of condition and it can be caused by a number of faults – an accidental change in software settings (download and install latest video drivers), damage to the video card itself or to the port on the back of the computer where the monitor plugs in (inspect the hardware), the cable that connects the monitor to the computer itself could be damaged (replace the cable), or the monitor itself is damaged (connect it to another computer and see if it is still pink). A video signal is essentially made up of three colour channels – red, green, and blue. In this case the monitor is missing the green channel, so everything that is bright is displayed as pink and everything dark as pastel blue. It’s very Miami Vice. In my case it turned out to be the monitor itself. A solder point might have popped or the cathode ray tube itself has become degraded. As the day passed on the monitor began to emit a high-pitched whine which is as good a death rattle as any.

My photos do the pink colour little justice. It’s very pink, too painful on the eyes to work with. It’s a vibrant, fuschia-explosion, a declaration of life you could say. “Hello world, here I am, don’t forget me as I pass on!” There are certain diseases that are said to make a person suddenly appear vibrant and healthier then ever before, just hours before they die. This reminds me of that. Replacing a monitor is an expensive problem, but I’ve decided to look at through a pink lens – the timing is right. LCD monitors have gone through a leap in quality within the last year, prices have dropped, and with Back-To-School sales on now, the damage to my wallet is not as bad as it could be. The Talking Watch When I was seventeen I bought a talking wristwatch. It was pretty crude, the speaker on it was larger than the clock’s display. When you pressed a button on the side it sounded an annoying, tinny chime and then this lovely voice of a woman spoke the time. The watch itself was a cheap novelty, but her voice was so warm and alive, so unlike the ‘talking” devices out there that it far made up for the watch itself. At the time I thought it was very James Bond. One day I realized it was missing from my wrist, I quickly patted my empty pockets and then tried to think where I’d left it, as I listened about me I heard the thrumming “rumpa, rumpa” of the washing machine in the laundry room and instantly realized that the watch was in my other pants’ pocket, now swirling about in the rinse cycle. I stopped the wash and found to my shock the watch gurgling away as I pulled it out. Water was dripping out of the speaker and yet it still tried to announce the time. After drying it in a towel I left it out to dry for a day. When I returned I picked it up and looked it over and hoped to myself that it might still work. I pressed the button and the most sickening chime came out of it followed by a now-stuttering, slightly distorted female voice that tried to speak the time. To my horror it wouldn’t stop. Over and over, incessantly it sounded the chime and tried to call out the time. It would repeat sections of its message repeatedly, saying snippets “six, six, six” or “AM, AM, AM” over and over again. It was amusing at first and I fully expected it to end in an hour or so. Seven hours later it was driving me crazy. I couldn’t find a screw or it to access the backing and remove the battery so I finally resorted to taking a hammer to it. I quickly became self-conscious of the fact that I was attacking something that was screaming out in a female voice which got to me, so I gave up. All I had succeeded in doing was to have dented in the large speaker. I then placed the watch into a box to muffle it and left it in my bedroom to schizophrenically chatter by itself. This when on for two days and it gave me a giggle to hear it whenever I walked into my bedroom. At night I had to place it in the garage so I could sleep in peace. When the silence eventually came it was very welcome, but admittedly a sad moment. The Halloween Television A friend of mine in High School told me this interesting tale about her family’s television. She was having a sleepover with a couple of friends and some family members. It was close to Halloween so they decided to grab a horror movie to watch together. Big bowls of popcorn, everyone wrapped in blankets, giggles and screams, that sort of thing. The television had been on its last legs for awhile and like many Canadian families, they were trying to go for as long as they could before having to buy a new one. The picture would fade, sometimes take longer to warm up, that sort of thing. So as they prepared their living room for the sleepover and turned on the television, there was no surprise when it came on and everything was in black-and-white. Their colour TV had now degraded into an old-style black-and-white one. Everyone agreed that this, was actually a good thing, as they were going to watch a horror movie anyway and horror movies always seem to be so much more scarier and psychological in black-and-white. So everyone gathered round, lights were dimmed and the tape was popped into the VCR and the scary credits began to roll, the opening scenes began to play and they were right, watching it in black-and-white did make it scarier and the night more fun. All horror movies tend to start slow, ominous and when the inevitable attack, shock, jump, and surprise comes its designed to make you jump and scream. When that moment came in that movie that night, it arrived with a special revelation. The television had lost all of its colour, but one – red. Very specific items on the screen suddenly screamed out in red while the rest of the picture remained in black-and-white. There was no reddish tint, no hue, this was as if someone had specifically painted certain items in the film to be red. It was a vibrant, stand-out red, as if someone in their house had strategically spilled red sauce on their television screen. Needless to say blood is very common in horror films and those scary moments that contained blood stood out in a way the filmmakers had never imagined. My friend told me it made for a wild, wild night, an amazing experience. The television didn’t last much beyond that night. A few days passed and it never powered up again. Her family bought a new set and watching movies on it was never quite the same. For years my friend brought this story up, asking me if I could think of a way to make a normal television act that way. Do you have an Entertaining Gadget Death Story? I’d love to hear it! You can either post it in the comments section or send it to krisabel@gmail.com